Has your partner felt unloved by you, even though you are deeply devoted to and in love with your partner? Have you felt unloved by your partner even though your partner declares his or her unending love for you?<\/p>\n
How is it that two people who \u201clove\u201d each other can\u2019t seem to experience this love they declare for one another? How is it that people who were at one point madly in love with each other \u201cfall out of love\u201d with one another?<\/p>\n
With Valentine’s Day on the way, we offer advice from Dr. Gary Chapman, who says the answer to those questions might be as simple as speaking the same \u201clove language.\u201d<\/p>\n
In his New York Times\u2019 best-selling book \u201cThe Five Love Languages \u2013 The Secret to Love That Lasts,\u201d Dr. Chapman suggests that each person expresses and experiences love differently. He calls this expression of love a person\u2019s individual \u201cLove Language.\u201d Dr. Chapman explains that by understanding your own unique love language and that of your partner\u2019s is key to a meaningful and healthy relationship.<\/p>\n
Do kind words make you feel special? Do words and reassurance and compliments from your partner speak directly to your heart? If so, then \u201cWords of Affirmation\u201d is your love language. When your partner builds you up, makes you feel worthy, proud and all-around lovely, if \u201cWords of Affirmation\u201d is your love language, you probably feel quite loved by your partner.<\/p>\n
Do you crave spending time together with your partner? Even if it is just going for a ride in the car or a conversation at the kitchen table? If so, \u201cTime Spent\u201d is your love language. Spending quality time together and having your partner\u2019s undivided attention \u2013 when he\u2019s not looking at his phone or checking the sports scores \u2013 makes you feel on top of the world. His world. Present and important. Loved.<\/p>\n
Does receiving a gift speak to your heart? Does knowing that your partner spent time thinking of you make you feel cared for and loved? If so, \u201cReceiving Gifts\u201d is your love language. You can\u2019t buy love, but the act of gift giving makes you feel special, extra important and the center of your partner\u2019s world.<\/p>\n
The act of touching another person \u2013 feeling the warmth of their hand in yours or the strength of their arms around you \u2013 is another one of Dr. Chapman\u2019s love languages. \u201cPhysical Touch,\u201d whether it is holding hands, kissing, sitting next to each other on the couch or even just a simple squeeze on the arm, expresses safety, comfort and acceptance, and, for some, is an expression of love.<\/p>\n
For people whose love language is \u201cActs of Service,\u201d anything that your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when your partner vacuums before you get to it, takes your car through the car wash or makes you breakfast as a surprise.<\/p>\n
Knowing what makes you feel loved and what makes your partner feel loved is important in a healthy and growing relationship. Far too often, couples experience emotional emptiness when love DOES exist. The problem is the love is just not expressed in a way that is meaningful to the other person.<\/p>\n
If your partner thrives on acts of service and you come home with a thoughtful gift for your partner, he\/she might not think much of your gift and just toss it aside. And that says to you, \u201cI don\u2019t love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or if you feel most loved when you spend quality time together and your partner comes home late from work every night and is not around on the weekends, yet does the dishes and vacuums the floors, you might not be loving in the same language.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important to understand what love language you speak and what love language your partner speaks. Learning to speak your partner\u2019s love language and to understand your own will open a whole new world and will lead to deeper understanding and intimacy.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re not sure what love language you speak, take the quiz<\/a> and find out! It only takes a few minutes.<\/p>\n Then go a step further and read the book, “The Five Love Languages” which can be purchased on Amazon\u00a0to take a deeper dive into the languages of love.<\/p>\n